It has been nearly a year since I thought I was being asked to cut my hours to 20 hours a week instead of 40. When I was faced with the possibility, I was offended. I felt like I wasn’t appreciated. I was also scared about my future. I wondered if I could continue to work for only 20 hours and what activities, programs, etc I’d need to cut in order to meet that expectation. Would the income be enough to provide for my family? Surely my health benefits would be cut. It was all a bit overwhelming.

I turned to God. I needed help controlling my feelings and needed to listen to God for insight about what might be ahead. Two months after my scare, I began to feel like I needed to move so I needed to be ready. I needed to prepare myself for whatever I was going to face.

During this time I took some chances with myself by stepping out of my comfort zone and confiding in some new people. It was a time of personal growth for me. I felt more confident in my abilities, I felt excitement and began to see value in myself as a woman, a mother, a wife a co-worker and a servant of God. By the time I headed for LA Congress, I was becoming settled in myself but not yet sure about my role on the path I was on.

While in LA, God spoke to me in the middle of the expo area when he reminded me that HE IS MY SHEPHERD and he will provide me with all of my needs. I don’t need to go in search of him because he is already present. I just need to rest in him. This was when I received my 23rd psalm charm, just after my debilitating and humbling reconciliation service/experience.

Even though this was a major wake up call, I was still focused on seeking God’s will for me. I was distracted with preparing for summer events for work and planning…my heart wasn’t completely in it as I kept thinking there was something else I was supposed to be doing. This was all in my head because I kept rationalizing everything but with the same end result.

Finally the week before Notre Dame at the end of June, I surrendered. I heard God loud and clear where before it was just a little voice in the back of my head which I drown out with other noise. He said, “Grow where you are planted”. Despite my struggle and feelings of un-acceptance, despite my known struggles with the challenges of lack of catechists or non-committed teens, alleged issues of behavioral issues, I heard God clearly tell me to stay. No more going through the motions but to truly put my nose to the grindstone and do the work I’ve been called to do and do it to the best of my ability.

I’d be lying if I said I just accepted God telling me to stay. No. I yelled at him, out loud. I said to him that if I were to stay then I would trust him to take care of all my needs. This included helping Ron accept me not changing jobs, providing us the means to get through the next few years monetarily with college on the horizon for the girls and getting me the help needed to provide religious education for the kids left in my charge.

Other than re-telling the story, I’ve not given it anymore thought. I am completely trusting in God and I wear my psalm 23 charm daily and hold it close as a firm reminder that all I need to do is rest in God because he is taking care of me. Even though this is my 13th year of ministry work, I am looking at each thing with new eyes and excitement. No, “been there and done that” attitude but really giving it to God to speak and do with me what needs to be done.

I feel a renewed sense of purpose and feel I am not just supposed to sit back quietly but to share my faith and love of Christ with everyone! Don’t be afraid to speak the word of God in words and actions. Be Jesus’ warm up act like John the Baptist and point to Jesus every chance you get!