On retreat again for some more reflections and this time it’s with the staff. It’s not ever a time I really look forward to as it seems a chore for many. This year I was NOT impressed by the prep-material that was given for us, ie. Inappropriate pictures of people and animals with nasty phrases on the captions…so distasteful.

However, a pre-retreat visit with my Spiritual Director has helped to put me at ease. She said God will still be present to you (me) at the retreat among all the inappropriateness. She also said that like in the recent Gospel readings (The Bread of Life Gospels), Jesus himself struggled with getting people to see the abundance of love God has ready and waiting for them if they would only “take and eat” and turn away from the evil ways of the world that distracts them from God. She said that because of this deep spiritual awareness, I have trouble with looking around me and seeing people who are turning their backs on God even though they say they believe.

The current Gospel is Jesus saying that the disciples must “eat his flesh and drink his blood” but many of them turn away. She said that perhaps at the retreat I am to be the bread.

The same day I met with her, I had gone to Jesus saying, “Okay, Jesus, what do you have to say to me today,” in a joyful voice opening up my book of reflections, Jesus’ Presence. It was August 21st and God told me, confirmed for me that I am on the right path, the path which HE has chosen and all the work that has been done in me has been done in silence and that there will be a time when it will be shared.

Today I found myself relating to the story of Jonah. Hearing Jonah’s story again made me think about how I too tried to turn away from God’s plan for me and find another job but in the process deepened my own relationship with not only God but with others in my life. Sharing God’s love with a group of people who have come to know God more deeply because of my experiences. But in the end I am still at the same job working in the midst of those who persecuted me and a group of teens preparing for Confirmation which I felt were “unteachable” and now have seen a change in all of them.

One of the retreat experiences was to watch a talk by Father Jim Martin, a Jesuit Priest who had a keynote address at LA Congress last March. He talked to us about having joy and laughter in our faith lives. He shared jokes and funny stories but the bottom line was that God has a sense of humor. Following the video, we had time to reflect on some questions provided and then we engaged in a facilitated discussion. It was very open and people shared with honesty. I enjoyed it very much despite my preconceived nervousness about it.

I discovered too that my pre-retreat notion of feeling like Jonah was relevant because while acting like Jonah I was going off and pouting. I have felt like, “oh, why do I have to spend three lousy days on retreat with people who don’t want to share or be open or be honest”. And in return, I have already learned that I cannot doubt God’s love and power and grace because it IS AT WORK in each of the people I am on retreat with even if I cannot see it…God is there.

It takes us little baby steps each day to grow deeper in communion with God because it is a struggle to let go of control of the things of this world which we feel are important and simply turn the things in our lives over to God. It takes time for us to change from our “old ways” and see things in “God’s ways”. I cannot expect my co-workers to change quickly or overnight as it has taken me years to come as far as I have. I can only let God take control of their lives and rest in him as he leads me on my path.