Habits
I’ve heard several different theories about habits. Some say it takes 18 days to create a habit while others say it can take several weeks. The one study I remember the most, and quote often is a study done at the University of Texas about New Year’s Resolutions. The study concluded that in order to achieve success with whatever you choose to change in the new year, you need to not intend to be perfect right away. Instead they suggested that it will take a person who wants to create a new habit or let go of an old one, until the first week of March to meet the set goal. They concluded you can’t make a successful change overnight.
I’d share this with the parents in the parenting classes I taught for a few years. The first session was a Motivational Interview where we’d spend time getting to know the new group of parents and they’d participate in activities to help them determine if they were willing to make changes in how they were parenting their children; we needed to know if they were open to change. One of the exercises went into detail about the five stages of change:
Getting Motivated to change
Adopting a plan to change
Making the move to change
Adapting to the change
Making the change a habit
In order to demonstrate the stages, I’d share the story of what happened after my Dad had his first heart attack. Prior to the heart attack, my Dad’s food habit was to skip breakfast, except for coffee with a fair amount of creamer, eat a big lunch out at a restaurant and when it came time for dinner, he wouldn’t feel hungry enough for meal so he would graze. To be clear, ‘graze’ means a few handfuls of mixed nuts, a couple of cookies or an ice cream treat. His exercise habit was mowing the lawn and walking up and down the stairs in the house but nothing with too much regularity.
When the heart attack hit, my Mom, Brother, Myself and our extended family were all super concerned about losing him and started to talk with him about ways he could change the above food and exercise habits he’d adapted. We were trying to be helpful and with our suggestions, show him how much we love him. My Dad on the other hand said he had it under control and would take care of changing what he felt needed to be changed.
This first stage is simply the person deciding there would be some good from changing. They might consider things they want to change but never really put a plan together or decide anything permanent. My Dad wasn’t really interested in changing at that time. He hadn’t realized how badly he had been feeling prior to the heart attack and it wasn’t until he had another visit with the Doctor that he began to think maybe he needed to make some changes.
You see, no one can make anyone change. There are misconceived notions about how in a relationship, one person will change the habits of the other person. The reality of change is that only you can change you so until you personally make the decision, set the plan and take the action steps, change will not happen. Yes, some might say, our pleas and the doctors suggestions motivated him to begin to make changes, but it was his decision to do it and that is why he was able to stick to it.
It was a trial and error period for a time with the meal planning. He had to do some research, find recipes for meals he’s be able to make quickly and that he’d enjoy. He tested some of the pre-set meals that you can order and have shipped to your house; these proved to be a good in between while he was still in his recovery stage. They also gave some great ideas for future meals. He also was able to take advantage of some of the fresh, pre-made items available which make it easier for people to stick to a healthy diet.
His physical exercise routine was his physical therapy sessions that were assigned to him by the Doctor. As time went by, those sessions ended and he decided he’d go walk during his lunch break instead of going out for a big meal. He had to try out different ways to achieve the intended goal. During this stage it’s rough and rocky and there are times when you want to throw in the towel because it feels like nothing is working as you want it to.
You can sit in the fourth stage for a while because not matter how much you plan, there is never a fool proof plan. You are bound to trip over every stumbling block along the way! For example if I make a plan to walk every morning but then forget to set the alarm, I’m not off to a good start. Perhaps then the next day, I go to put on my walking shoes and I’d left them outside after my walk the day before and they are wet from the rain overnight. You need time to work out the kinks of your plan and be flexible and patient while you adjust to this new behavior.
In my Dad’s case it took several months of trying different ways to eat a healthier diet and exercise regularly. He got into a groove where he simply had his routine. Then on those occasions when something came up to interrupt the routine, he figured out a different time or way to still reach his goal. I recall one evening he stopped by to drop something off and said he couldn’t stay because he hadn’t gotten his walk in during lunch that day so was going home to hit the treadmill.
He moved to the final stage of change where he had created new habits. I share the story within the context of the stages of change because 1) I feel it was the best way to describe the stages to the parents through a personal story and 2) because I am extremely proud of my Dad and his dedication to change. Just as we were trying to show him we love him by trying to give suggestions, he in return shows his love for us by taking care of himself.
You might recall at the beginning I said his first heart attack. He did suffer another and this time was able to identify it sooner. However, it wasn’t because he had fallen back into his old routine. Though he might have loosened up the reigns a bit, the Doctor reassured him and us that sometimes, even when you do everything right, the body can surprise you. And because he had been keeping up with his new habits, the recovery from the second heart attack wasn’t nearly as long as the first.
I am grateful for the example my Dad gives us on how to make a positive change and stick to it. He has been an inspiration. Also, I’m grateful that this picture of the two of us was not the last photo of us together as it was taken two weeks before his first heart attack. We could have lost him and missed out on his living example!
“Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:23-25 - A Call to Persevere
