Eager Expectation

I told a friend of mine that I was ready to die. She kind of giggled. I told her I was ready to meet Jesus and was excited about going to heaven and spending time with Jesus. She wasn’t particularly impressed with my revelation. Instead she kindly told me, so what?

Her point was to remind me, it doesn’t matter if I’m ready to die. It doesn’t even matter if I’m not afraid to die. I don’t get to choose. Our conversation continued. She challenged me to determine what brought me to the conclusion and essentially, I’d been working so hard on my relationship with God, that I was feeling so close that I just wanted to reach out and give him a hug. I also felt there was a shift in my desire. I no longer desired any person, place or thing on this earth more than I desired to die and spend eternity with God.

My friend understood where I was but pushed me to see past my eagerness to see God in heaven and be grateful for the closeness I have with him right now. We contemplated how our relationship would be different in heaven from the way it is now and concluded, it really wouldn’t. For example, I am still in relationship with loved ones who have passed, though we are not physically present and so it is with God.

We also discussed how my willingness or desire to die could actually be seen as hurtful to God. The statement that I no longer wish live on earth and to do God’s will is like a slap in the face. It’s me telling God, “hey, thanks for all of this life stuff and these blessings but well, uh, I’m over it. Can I come home now?” My surrender to death could be seen as me giving up.

None of this was my intention with my statement. I just couldn’t hold by my excitement and eagerness to see Jesus face to face. However, I was being selfish in my view of who Jesus is and where I can see him face to face. I was limited in my thinking that I had to die in order to see him or to get to experience heaven. I was taking for granted the moments in my present where I have the privilege to walk and talk with God, see his miracles and am wrapped in his love.

My friend reminded me that I didn’t have to die in order to experience seeing Jesus. The conversation helped me to surrender even more to God’s will because if I am still here, then I still have a purpose to fulfill. So instead of saying, “I’m ready to die,” I say, “Yes, Lord, Your Servant is listening!”