2006 - God is My Lifeboat

I attended an Advent Retreat and we reviewed the readings for the 1st & 3rd weeks. They are so relevant to how I feel in the world right now. I really feel like I’m reaching out for God while others in my life are drifting away.

My goal - BE VIGILANT! I need to continue to keep my focus on Jesus. I need to find a balance between what I spend my time doing. For example to keep praying, attending Mass, saying the Rosary, keep working on fine tuning my values, how I spend my time, what I say, what I watch.

I spent time reaching out to Jesus at the retreat during reflection time. I went to lay at the tabernacle underneath the crucifix. I cried out to Jesus because of what a struggle it is to live as a disciple and REALLY live it. It is SO hard to just let go and trust God with EVERYTHING!

I feel I struggle with being a good mom. I know I do many good things and I look at the girls and am amazed with who they are but I feel like I don’t always give them my best. Sometimes I give because it is what is best for me.

I am currently struggling with money because I have turned over everything to my husband. I am overwhelmed with the cost of things like annual tags for your car, personal property tax, car payments, fixing broken things in the house or the on the car, doctors visits, and Christmas. I took on an extra cleaning job but it doesn’t seem to help. I’m grateful the girls are troopers about it and don’t act out when we can’t go out to eat or do “extra” stuff. I can’t help but cry.

At the retreat, someone said something about how we really don’t know what is on the inside of people, what are they dealing with. I feel like I have a little secret I’m hiding and actually fear telling anyone that I can’t afford Christmas. I think this is why I love to escape into Mass or praise and worship music or prayer. I feel free of worry or any of the worlds concerns when I am praying. It is a place I want to be all of the time but I know must go into the world to do what God calls me to do ——whatever that may be ——-who really knows their mission until it is done?