2004 - Money and Madness

I have been short on the money the past couple of months so I didn’t refill my prescription for my thyroid medication. The other night we watched part of the Dr. Phil Show where his guests were wives and mothers who were keeping secrets from family, friends and husbands. It concerned my husband enough to ask if I had any secrets.

I told him the truth and admitted that I’d not refilled my prescription. He guessed exactly that I’d gone two weeks without it. I was amazed at how he knew. He said he’d noticed I’d been more tired and more of my hair was shedding. I teared up when he said, “I want my Heather back.”

Of course the money didn’t magically appear into my account so it didn’t get refilled. It’s been five weeks now. I went to him to talk about how I was running low on money for the month to cover the household expenses my paycheck is supposed to cover. We ended up in a fight. He started talking to me as if I was a child and I got angry and went to bed.

In the morning, with nothing resolved, I decided there was too much going on and I was feeling overwhelmed. I had work and events dealing with work and conflicts with people, not to mention the stress of an uncomfortable work environment because everyone is on edge because we are getting a new priest (boss). We have been busy every weekend and are behind on household cleaning and laundry. It’s too much to handle. When I add on that Ron is now upset with me; I’ve had enough!

I started to take the Prozac my doctor prescribed. I’ve taken one each morning for the past four days. Now I’m fairly rational about things and want to be realistic about the difference it will make on me. Overall, I don’t feel any different other than just being able to take on one task at a time. I see myself less “frantic” and more “relaxed.” I even doubt the meds have anything to do with this.

AT WORK: It was my turn to lead the staff meeting so planned the prayer, set up the room to make it a welcoming environment. We did high/lows before moving into a meditation for us to reflect on what we see, hear, smell and hear when we come to the office so we can better connect with the average person who comes to us for assistance. We spent time reflecting on the message we send and write down ways we can better work to provide for the parish. Once all had written down wants, needs and desires, we held hands in prayer.

My goal was to unite us in prayer and through the meditation to bring us closer together. There were 8 people in attendance and only 1/2 of them shared openly. The others just sat there. I really hope the new priest will bring us together to pray more often. I think we would feel more bonded if we were connected spiritually but right now we are divided.

I felt good about the meeting part and felt we accomplished something. I don’t know why I feel like the only neutral party in the room; without a personal agenda. It has been a hard environment to be in and again I hope the new priest will help bring us back together.

CHRISTMAS: I’m worried about what Christmas will look like since we are strapped for money right now. I can’t see how we will survive it. It hasn’t been a topic of conversation because I know we will end up in a fight. Plus, it’s not something I can bring up while the girls are up. By the time we get them down, it’s not a great time to bring up a sensitive subject. I’m holding on and trusting God will give us what we need, both the time to talk and the ability to give this holiday season.