On retreat at Conception Abbey and I’m already overwhelmed by all of my thoughts. First I woke up today upset because I was going with two friends and was a bit conflicted about how I would have to share my “God time” with them. How selfish am I?
I got a text from another friend which was a meme of Pope Francis with words of encouragement. The text basically said we all need the support, understanding and wisdom of others to remind us that our role in the world is not all about us! I then determined that this retreat, though something I desire (especially the silent, alone time) was going to be okay to be shared with others.
I am in particular need of some time to focus on me and not the circumstances of being “let go” of my job or on my role within my family. However, this retreat, when shared with others, might just be about those with whom I’m on retreat with whose lives are also affected by my job loss.
This actually came to fruition when we began the retreat, stating our hopes for the outcome of our time away. One of the friends said her hope was to give her the time she needed to grieve the loss of me from her work life. She said she was looking forward to some time to be able to process how she was going to be able to get things done without me there.
It was further interesting how my room assignment was in the middle of the two friends. Ironically, it has been a long time joke that I am the glue that keeps these two friends connected. It is such a ‘God Thing’ for this to happen. I feel him smiling at us right now!
We attended Evening Prayer at the Basilica and I heard God saying to me that I am still where I need to be and that the “grow where you’re planted” was still my relevant message. It was my message a year ago while I was working at the church and going through some tough times, but God’s words during prayer were the same for me right now. Perhaps the message wasn’t about my work relationships at all! Could the “grow where you are planted” mean my vocation as a wife and mother?
This realization awakened me to making an extra effort to be more giving and attentive to my family and to others. Rarely do I ask how another is doing first. I figured this was because as an introvert, I don’t usually initiate conversation. However, I realized my tendency of selfishness that I don’t reciprocate the question. I felt God pushing me out of the “it’s all about me” attitude.
Through my reflections and readings, I was reminded of Saint Louise DeMarillac. She was my ND Vision candle from this year. I thought she was given to me in order for me to focus on my Catechists this year. However, without my job, there are no Catechists to tend to….or maybe I do still. I also came to a new understanding…Louise DeMarillac is the patron saint of social workers. This give me new insight to my previous conversations with God when I said I’d volunteer more if I didn’t have a full time job. This is a new path which I feel God calling me to!