Refresh My Soul
Days turn into a week and weeks into months and you get the picture. Time marches on and it sometimes feels like the world is a Drill Sergeant shouting orders at me.
At the peak of activity in my life, when my daughters where living at home and their social schedules included some kind of practice or game or meeting, and I was working full-time, plus, I struggled. As a first born with those A type personality traits, I bought into the mindset that I had to do it all and do it well.
At the time, no one talked about self-care. It was thought to be selfish to take care of your own needs, especially as a mom, putting herself before her kids. Bad Mom! The expectation, whether set internally or externally was there each morning when I woke up and still there when my head hit the pillow each night. Every day, a replay of the day before of give, give, give without time to refresh.
It might sound ironic, but I believe my job saved me. There is a mantra among those who do ministry that you can’t give what you don’t have, mostly as a warning against burn-out. I decided after hearing these words over and over, they must be something I need to put into practice. A classic example of God showing up to give you what you need, again and again, until you finally listen!
I’ve actually heard a few different analogies for people to take to heart what the words mean. You can’t give what you don’t have can be likened to a bank account. If you start with $100 and each of your kids take some, your co-workers, your boss, a friend, clients, etc, that $100 isn’t going to be there very long. You’ve got to find a way to put money back in so you don’t get overdrawn. I can testify that I lived many days in the red.
Another example is that of a vase full of water. You can tip the vase, a little at a time, pouring out this life source to everyone around you. However, there will come a time when you are tipping over so far that you crash and burn. I’ve been a witness to his happening as well.
I was lucky though because as a part of my job I was able to take time out, time away. I went to conferences and on retreat so had time to myself to breathe. I also had flexibility in my schedule so I would sometimes plan to take work to a coffee shop or to a picnic table at the park. It’s amazing how these little things helped to open me up and make me feel more myself.
I guess I was practicing self-care before it was the EXPECTED thing to do. Today, many healthcare plans and businesses have added the benefit of a Mental Health Day. I think even if a person uses their Mental Health Day cleaning out the pantry or getting your annual pap smear and mammogram, these things can take away stress allowing the individual one less thing to worry about.
However, when I was spending time, even while working at the coffee shop or the park, I was connecting to myself, giving myself a gift. I think the opportunity to be out, away from your office where anyone can stop in at any moment or at home where you have the household maintenance distractions weighs on you, making you tired. I found the experiences refreshing.
Another thing I did to give myself a little break was schedule specific time on my calendar for myself. This is super hard to do and it doesn’t have to be the same time each week, but it is one of the things I swear kept me sane. I heard someone say, “If Brad Pitt called and asked you to schedule a time to meet, you’d drop everything to make it happen.” Well, think of your sanity, mental health and self-care as Brad Pitt, Zach Ephron and Matthew McConaughey. Would you schedule it then???
I double dipped and layered my time. I’d drop my daughters off for school and then go the Church to pray and journal for 30-40 minutes before morning Mass. This way I was taking time for me, spending time with God AND showing up in a special way for my daughters who’d come to sit with me during school Mass. It was a special treat for all of us.
Then later, I used the same combo with my husband. We’d meet for Noon Mass and then enjoy a rare lunch out. Those meals are still some of my most cherished moments because it gave us the opportunity to sit down and talk about life without the kids around. Plus, it allowed us to have a ‘date’ even if it was in the middle of the day. It put our relationship at the top of the priority list for a short while before going back to the rigmarole of our daily schedules.
Though my daughters are grown and out of the house, there are still times when I get wrapped up in a project or layer on expectations that I forget to stop to breathe. Just the simple act of breathing and being aware of my breath, can bring me back to my senses. I don’t have to work as hard anymore to make time for myself but I can definitely tell a difference in my attitude when I don’t. It’s important. It’s necessary. And like every body needs food for fuel, your mind and soul need time to refresh so you can be your best self for everybody!
