Grow Together
I started at a new school several times growing up. Each time, the Teacher would introduce me as the ‘new kid’ and ask the students to welcome me. The Teacher would ask another student to ‘show me around.’ Essentially, a tour guide to give me the low-down of how things worked, where things were and often I’d get this person’s version of whose who in the class.
When I started a new school in Junior High, it was in the middle of the school year. Since in Junior High, you don’t have one teacher, you have several, it was up to me to determine on my own how things worked, where things were and how to pick out the wheat from the weeds.
This wasn’t something I really knew how to do on my own since I’d previously had the assistance of a teacher choosing a student who was going to show me the ropes. Typically, it’d be another girl who probably followed directions well and made good grades. The student would be someone the teacher thought was polite, kind and trustworthy to give good direction. She was wheat.
My first week of Junior High was pure survival trying to navigate where to find my classes, learn the expectations of each of my new teachers and observe the others around me without being creepy. Then another ‘new girl’ showed up in my English class. I pounced! I wasn’t on my own any longer, left to figure out my new environment.
She had moved from Florida and I from Arizona, now in this suburb of Sacramento, California. We became Besties immediately! Though time would reveal, being the ‘new kid’ was about all we had in common. Her parents had divorced and she moved to town with her Mom and older Sister. Her Mom was rarely home which meant her Sister was in charge of after school supervision. My Parents were married and both worked regular hours so we regularly had family meals together and took weekend trips to go camping.
As Besties do, we became inseparable. We’d meet up every morning before school, in between classes, at lunch and make plans together outside of school as often as possible. Junior High, is that purgatory time when you aren’t a little kid but you still can’t drive so you struggle with who you are and who you want to be. And this meant that whenever we could, we’d ‘hang out’ at her house because we’d have the freedom to do whatever we wanted without the watchful eye of a parent.
Though this freedom felt good and for the most part just meant we could stay up late watching movies or sit and listen to music in the privacy of a bedroom. We spent hours painting our nails, experimenting with make-up and doing each other’s hair. Sometimes, when we got the nerve, we’d call boys late at night and then giggle, deciphering if it sounded like he liked us or not.
There were a few times when it wasn’t so innocent and I started to feel uncomfortable; a crack in the new friendship that with each negative experience would widen. There was one night when I was at her house and her Mom was at work so her Sister had friends over. The friends were both boys and girls, and they were playing Quarters.
At fifteen, I had no idea what this was and it hadn’t ever occurred to me that teenagers would drink or smoke, these things had legal ages at which time you’d be allowed to consume. I never considered you didn’t have to wait. Needless to say, I was too self-conscious and too afraid I’d get caught and get in trouble to participate. My friend was not.
There was another time when we walked to a convenience store and once there, was told it would be ‘fun’ to steal a few of the penny candies. This of course was not a great idea but the peer pressure got the best of me, so I did grab a couple pieces of bubble gum. Even as we walked back to the house, I was overcome with guilt of doing something wrong, though I played along that it was ‘fun’.
To further separate us, I’d not had a boyfriend in my entire life. Though, in elementary school, over the course of three years, one boy and I were said to be boyfriend/girlfriend, though we never hung out even at school. He was my first kiss even if it was just a peck on the lips and completely by accident.
The same could not be said about my friend. She was blonde and had a body I was jealous of because I carried extra weight. She wore a bikini to a pool party once and when I questioned if it was appropriate, she said, “if you’ve got it, flaunt it!” She’d certainly had a few boyfriends and had experiences sexually that I didn’t know were things people would want to do to and with each other.
Of course, I didn’t know at the time, she had self-doubt and was trying to discover who she was and who she wanted to be. I thought she had it figured out! She had life experiences and the freedom to explore more. I didn’t understand in Junior High that this could be a recipe for disaster. She ended up moving back to Florida before High School. We tried to stay in touch, though our differences separated us even more when we were not in the same state.
I still value the friendship greatly. It exposed me to things I had been sheltered from but through the experiences was able to determine for myself what I thought was right for me. She also carried me through a time in my life when needing to have friends and fit in is essential.
Who knows how things would have worked out if she didn’t move back to Florida, if I’d end up conceding to peer pressure or if she would have found security in faith like I did. Since I’d moved around so often, the only constant in my life was God. No matter where we moved, one of the determining factors of which neighborhood we’d live in was proximity to a church, where we’d become active members. This is what grounded me and it still does.
Does my connection to God and living a life of faith make me wheat? Does my friends disconnection to God make her the weed? This is not for me nor you to judge. Instead, what I am grateful for is that for a time we were able to grow together and teach each other something about life. I was exposed to situations, scenarios and feelings which didn’t feel right and I knew I didn’t want to be a part of again. Perhaps if I’d enjoyed them, I’d have ended up in a different place in my life. Either way, I believe we need to grow together. We need to see and experience all of the options life has to offer so we can determine which path is best for us. I think this is why God gave us free will. God wants us to, despite growing with the weeds, to come out as wheat at the time of harvest.
